Poems by Jay J.P. Scott

I met a robot from Aristarchus Rim.
It smiled because it heard me hum this tune.
And then it held out an AC power supply—
It said it was the finest on the moon.

And I said: “Oh, no no no, I don’t (bzz) no more,
I’m tired of losing track of the score.
No thank you sir, it only makes me whir,
And then it makes me want a little more.”

I met a robot out at Vesta Complex.
It smiled when I had come in through the lock.
And then it held out a box of silver-112—
It said it was the finest in the rock.

And I said: “Oh, no no no, I don’t fry no more;
I’m tired of thinking there was a war.
No thank you friend, I’m still on the mend
From the time I tried it once before.”

I met a robot from Enceladus Port.
It smiled because it had so many things.
And then it held out a dewar filled with fluorine—
It said it was the finest in the rings.

And I said: “Oh, no no no, I don’t (wff) no more,
I’m tired of losing track of the score.
No thank you droid, it only makes me annoyed-
It’s even worse than H2SO4.

I met a robot came from Silicon Gulch.
It smiled ‘cause it was happy as could be.
And then it held out a three-phase heterodyne
CMOS epitaxial IC.

(What a chip!)

And I said: “Oh, no no no, I don’t live no more,
I must be losing track of the score.
Thank you my friend, let’s go on a bender
Like we’d never been on one before.”

Then I said: “Oh, no no no, I don’t live no more,
Not if I’ve forgotten what for!
Thank you my friend, let’s go round the bend
Like we’d never been around before.”

optional verse for college students who don’t like their faculty advisers

I met a robot, a professor at school.
It smiled because it thought it knew it all.
And then it declared the date my thesis was due.
It said I should get started in the fall.

(Due in May.)

And I said: “Oh, no no no, I don’t study no more,
I’m tired of stayin’ up until four.
No thank you creep, it makes me want to sleep,
And then it doesn’t let me any more.”