This is true. And funny, if you ask me.

It is a little-known fact, at least to his clients, that my father Jimmy Scott makes his living as a quack. I’m not familiar with the taxonomy of quackeries, but his brand—sorry, his “internationally acclaimed system”—is called Health Kinesiology, a muscle-testing variety. I suppose that’s why he named his company Health Kinesiology, Inc.

He wrote the book Cure Your Own Allergies in Minutes. According to the blurb, “it really works!” If you have any doubts, read chapter five, “Surrogate Testing and Treatment,” which explains how you can cure the allergies of a baby or a dog by tapping the correct spots on the body of a person who’s touching the subject. If your problem is not an allergy, it’s OK—the underlying cause is probably an allergy anyway.

I can’t understand people who this makes sense to, but there seem to be plenty of them. He’s become such an advanced quack that he teaches classes, training other people as quacks. There’s a sequence of ten four-day classes, $500 each, plus a certification exam, and he teaches only the Stage 6 through Stage 10 classes. Sounds like a nice living. I believe the reason the company is based in Canada is that he once had some trouble with the feds, but I never found out the details (and he’d deny it if I asked now).

Due to computer error, no doubt, I was mailed a flyer describing the advanced classes.

Tools: aromas, essences, homeopathics, woods
Energy Redirection Factors
Unification Structures Factor
Programming Crystals for special use

No, I don’t know what it means either. If you’re curious, you might inquire, but I dunno whether you’ll get anything better than a sales pitch.

Original version, April 1998.
Updated and added here January 2012.