9 November 2000 - equal election

You see what happens when the angels forget to tell people how to vote? The election can hang fire, and everybody has more fun. Since American voters are indifferent between two candidates, we could choose by a coin toss. That would be fair, except to the candidates, to whom we’re indifferent. Fortunately, the coin toss is too simple to happen. Instead, I propose that we surgically dissect Bush and Gore into their component issues, and recombine the best parts into a stronger candidate, a Frankenstein chimera named All Bosh. Why, a candidate with Bush’s honesty and Gore’s compassion... never mind.