the Daily Whale - my old favorites

Allow me to present ten of my personal favorites from the fossil Whales, 1991-1994. Your mileage may vary. If your mileage does not vary, you may wish to have your brain examined for evidence of illicit personality transfer.

Jay Scott : Daily Whale : archive : old favorites

In these three, I examine three rewarding careers. The series continues for several days, covering more careers—you can follow it in the archives.

25 January 1993	You are Third World Relief Worker. Your mission: to save lives in the short term, to provide medicine and promote overpopulation, to improve infrastructure and education so that the poor countries you love can become rich countries you despise.
26 January 1993	You are Career Diplomat. You strive daily for peace and understanding between nations; you tell lies in private for the public good. You labor over detailed 1700 page international treaties which countries around the world pay lip service to.
27 January 1993	You are Idealistic Politician. Though new to the top level, and recognizing that no leader yet has created Utopia on Earth, you reason that no leader yet has been you. After fierce battles to please everyone, you will gain in stature and become Cynical Politician. You will learn to tell lies in public for the private good.

The epigram has always been one of my favorite forms.

30 March 1991	Idealism is like soap. It helps keep you clean, but it’s important to avoid getting it in your eyes.
21 February 1992	Where stupidity is not allowed, it becomes obligatory.
26 December 1993	War sale! Start one, get one free!
15 March 1994	Beware the Ides of March, because people get superstitious then.

Ta da! Miscellaneous extras!

25 April 1991	There’s a well-known joke about committees: “An elephant is a horse designed by a committee.” Congress is a committee designed by a committee.
6 March 1992	Some may argue that genetic variations of intelligence are impossible because the human brain is so finely balanced, or so perfect, that any single change would discombobulate it. According to this view, hominids evolved bigger brains over hundreds of thousands of years and then, reaching the end of the trail, tripped and fell head first into a vat of formaldehyde. Then again, this would explain the frequency of fetal pigheadedness.
16 June 1993	Dinosaur scientists already control the minds of many children. Now they are embarking on the next phase of their evil plan: to control the mind of Steven Spielberg.