2 April 1999 - Melissa virus

As lords of creation and masters of all we purvey, we of Microsoft would like to take this opportunity to explain—don’t touch that mouse! You must listen to the entire message before you may read your e-mail. Thank you. We would like to explain that the spread of the so-called Melissa virus is in no way related to any purported deficiencies in the design of Microsoft software. Under the license agreement, to which you acceded by being in the same room as the computer, any security weaknesses or other errors are solely the fault of idiot users like yourself. Thank you for your attention. You may now read your e-mail and continue to propagate the virus.