21 August 1999 - Global Agribiz Group

Hi, folks. I’m Bee and I’m the spokesdrone of Global Agribiz Group, Inc. Here at GAG we’ve noticed a bit of hullabaloo over what some are calling “genetically modified” food, and we thought we’d take a moment to clear up a couple of popular misconceptions. First, as you know, GAG products are bioengineered to increase crop yields, defeat pests, improve shelf life, reduce farming and transportation costs, and provide excellent returns to GAG shareholders. Without our advanced technology, commercial farmers are, from a competitive point of view, dead meat. Second, to provide central quality control, reduce gene flow to wild plants, and enhance market capture, GAG-designed crops produce only sterile seed. Farmers must return to GAG each year for their seed, so we maintain secure domination over the entire growing process. No hazards are possible.

So you see, friends, all the controversy is beside the point. You must do as we command. If you follow instructions carefully, you and your family will be allowed to eat. Well, that’s all for now, folks. I’ll be back later with detailed orders, so stay ready. See you soon!