28 August 1999 - photo: jargon

The final lesson is optional. If you want to be taken more seriously as a photo critic, it’s useful to learn some of the technical vocabulary of photography. Memorize the following monologue and mumble it when examining any photograph. Be careful to avoid speaking clearly, because it doesn’t make sense.

“Hmm, f/2.8, 14mm, 4x5, Velvia, ISO 400, push it one stop, Zone System, dodge a bit on that, depth of field, Ilfochrome, Nikon, reminds me of an old cyanotype by Sweeney.... Let’s see, blue cast, needs fill flash, dust on the negative, camera shake, lens flare, awkward construction, dangling participles, mixed metaphors.... Looks like a snapshot. Was this taken with a disposable camera?”