5 October 2000 - good guys vs. bad guys

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Learning to tell the good guys from the bad guys is a key life skill. Here, I’ll walk ya through it. First test: Whoever tells bigger lies is bad. Let’s check:

“We’re not shooting at them; they’re shooting at us.” — top peace negotiator Saeb Erakat
“The one responsible... is only one man, that is Arafat.” — Ariel Sharon

Hmm, looks like a draw. Second test: You want to be on the winning side, so whoever’s gonna win is good. Let’s see... everybody loses. OK. Third test: It’s smart to be on the same side as your friends. In my country, 2% of people are Jewish and less than 1% are Arab. Arright! I’m on the Israeli side! Listen, Barak—maybe you shouldn’t knock down so many of their houses. Just gives ‘em more ammunition, see?

the Daily Whale || copyright 2000, 2014 Jay J.P. Scott <jay@satirist.org>