28 May 2002 - music dependency

Cure your music dependency! Whether you listen to Elvis and Costello or the Prince and Karl Popper, this simple three-step program can wean you from the soul-numbing addiction. Remember, if it’s not expensive, it’s illegal!

1. To destroy your fears, you must face them. Join a music club and get your first bazillion albums free.
2. When you receive the catalog, read the blurbs—every seductive smash sentimental blistering ultra-contagious soaring anthem and ballad of them.
3. With any remaining sanity, flee the country to escape your obligation. You’re cured!