1 April 2007 - these symptoms

< yesterday -- tomorrow >

Are you experiencing any of these symptoms?

- Abnormally low temperature.
- No appetite.
- Just can’t get moving after the sun comes up.

Only a doctor can offer a definitive diagnosis, but you may be suffering from death. It’s a serious condition, but the good news is that you have all the time in the world. Keep on paying your HMO premiums and someday we’ll develop a treatment.


Following a tasty recipe for going too far, drug ads are allowed in the United States. As far as I can see, the only good part is that the ads must include the terrifying list of side effects.

give me a clue so sweet and true

the Daily Whale || copyright 2007, 2014 Jay J.P. Scott <jay@satirist.org>