23 September 2007 - electronics banned

All electronics are banned from U.S. airports, effective immediately, announced Homeland Security today. “After the arrest of Star Simpson in Boston for wearing a circuit board, we realized that circuits that you can’t see are just as dangerous,” explained federal spokespatient Perry Paranoid. “Under the new initiative, screening machines to capture pacemaker wearers are planned by next year. And God help you if you’re carrying a laptop. You’ll never be released.”