Kalevala

Hear the ancient Kalevala,
Wise and ancient Kalevala,
Reconstructed Kalevala
From the 19th century,
From the spirited dynamic
Counterrevolutionary
Year of 1849.
Scholars traveled diligently
Seeking fragments of the epic,
Fragments of the Kalevala,
Which they patched together neatly,
Sewing it into a whole,
Almost like it fit together,
(Frankenstein could do no better)
Almost like it fit together,
Back in 1849.
All is carefully authentic
But the parts that were invented,
Which I am about to fix.
Let me go! I'm gonna fix it!

Earthquack

When the world was sky and water,
Lacking any continent,
Also lacking any island,
Lacking any land at all,
Down from heaven flew a duck,
Gaudy noisy orange duck,
Quacking like a firetruck,
Aiming for a woman's knee
(Possibly a little higher)
As the duck so often does.
Quack the first became the sun,
All the light of all the truth.
Quack the second was the moon,
Changing periodically.
Quack the third was solid earth:
Finally a place to gather,
Build the houses, clear the land,
Dig and work the solid iron,
Iron for our use and vengeance.
This the truth I have discovered
In my diligent researches,
This the truth to lead the way this
Counterrevolutionary
Year of 2024.