9 November 1999 - advice advice

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I have the bad habit of offering too much advice. I tell myself to stop, but I don’t listen. How can I learn to withhold my wisdom so that my cretinous friends will make absurd blunders and realize how much they need me?
— A Leader, Not A Follower

It doesn’t matter how much you advise or don’t advise your friends. If they’re stupid, they’ll mess up no matter what you say, and if they’re smart, they’ll know better than to defer to some loser who needs help from an advice columnist. But this business of not listening to yourself, that’s serious. It could lead to undesirable behavior, like voting for Jesse Ventura. You should join the Army to get used to following arbitrary instructions. Armed with only a gun, you’ll be less dangerous to others.
— Advice W. Columnist

the Daily Whale || copyright 1999, 2014 Jay J.P. Scott <jay@satirist.org>