2 December 1999 - SETI foreign aid

I lied. The extraterrestrial message actually said:

“Greetings, primitive civilization! You’re still listening to old-fashioned radio waves—ha ha, no wonder you don’t hear anything! You could use a few tips on joining the galactic cocktail party. Set your spread-spectrum incoherent gravitogluodynamic vacuum polarization phenomenometer antiscreening cross-correlator to the obvious max 3-satisfiability solution for the first three paradoxical indeterminate sets, and we’ll transmit more detailed instructions. Hope to hear from you soon!”